Understanding the heart behind your child's behavior.

Getting a child to act in a certain way by using fear, reward or shame doesn't address the most important aspect of you child's development. It also doesn't lead to lasting change. They will behave in this way when you are present but given the opportunity they will gratify the desires of their heart. The following questions were spoken by an author Paul David Tripp.

I believe they are also good questions for adults to ask themselves when they find themselves behaving in ways that harm others or themselves. I always encourage parents to look within and understand why they respond to their children in the way they do.

5 HEART REVEALING QUESTIONS

These questions are meant to open up conversation and not to have an immediate epiphany and change of behavior. We are discipling our children with discipline, not punishing to create fear or shame.

1. What was going on?

This question is asked once things have cooled down. If their is a victim they are tended to first before the questions occur.

2. What were you thinking and feeling when it happened?

Remember to check your emotions because if you are angry or mad this question would sound very different. This question will give you insight into the heart of your child.

3. What did you do in response to it? (the thinking and feeling of question 3)

This behavior is a symptom of the heart. Understanding the heart is where we can best influence and guide our children.

4. Why did you do it? What were you seeking or looking to accomplish?

This is where the motive comes in.

5.What was the result?

This is where your child will see that maybe power wasn't the best way to go about getting what they want because they loose in the end and someone is possibly hurt. We want to lead a child to repentance and not just sorry they got caught. Being sorry they got caught can lead to behaviors as an adult that takes power over others in order to get what they want.

Galatians 6:7-8 The Message (MSG)

7-8 Don’t be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!—harvests a crop of weeds. All he’ll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God’s Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life.

It is my hope and prayer that you will be able to implement some of these questions into your interactions with your children.